Having kids does strange things to one's body....

Don't fret, this isn't going to be a post about "weird extra belly skin", "droopy boobs", "scars that will SCAR you", or even "expanding hips and thunder thighs". No, this entry is going to mention other weird and wonderful results of child rearing. I say "rearing" because you don't necessarily have had to carry your precious little one around in your belly to display these maladies.

Hmm where to start. I think I'll mention "personal hygiene" first. Don't get me wrong though, I for one do not condone using children as an excuse to smell bad. There is no excuse for that; other than perhaps a recent skunk attack. I'm thinking more about the "non-essential" hygiene practices. A GREAT example is shaving.... Many a new parent (and I'm thinking more about the dad's on this one) go through a "hairy mountain man" phase - the rugged "two-days-ago-5pm-shadow" goes really nicely with the sleep deprivation bloodshot eyes.

I myself currently have one baby smooth leg and one leg that is bordering on fuzzy. You may be asking yourself if I am making some kind of political / feminist statement or if it is some ridiculous new trend that I have fallen prey to. Alas no, my excuse is far simpler than that - I was half way through my shower (at 3pm mind you) when the little Diva decided (AND LOUDLY) that her nap was OVER. The end of her nap called for the immediate end of my personal grooming and there you have it. One side of me is decidedly more sexy than the other - and regardless of the weather I'll not be wearing a skirt or shorts until I'm able to rectify the situation.

Hmmm then there's makeup - I try to at least apply the minimal amount of product required to make myself appealing enough to be viewed by the general public. Most of the time though the "minimal amount" really just means I  have brushed my teeth, washed my face and applied some moisturizer. If you're lucky I may dazzle you with mascara and eyeshadow! There were days when the little Diva was still in hospital where I'm sure I scared people with my appearance. Luckily no one actually recoiled in horror - but even if the had (and maybe they did) - it wouldn't really have mattered. There were things way more important to worry about than the possibility of terrifying people with my disheveled appearance - at least I didn't stink!

The we get to hair - Once upon a time I used to spend time straightening or defining my curls - now I'm a BIG fan of what I like to call the "Structured crows-nest". Really I've just scraped my hair back into a pony and with some tweaking flipped over the elastic band to make a smush of hair to disguise my less that coiffed hair.I could pretend this makes me looks laid back, yet sophisticated but I'd be lying to myself. It looks lazy! I know it does, you know it does and I know that you know it does - but honestly I don't have time to care!!

Ok let's move away from appearance for a moment... and let's talk about the obsessive swaying. It is easy to pick out parent to small children in any line up - anywhere! They are the goobers who are standing in place quietly swaying rhythmically from side to side. They probably don't even realize they are doing this. If you want a good laugh though - KEEP watching them. If at some point they DO realize that they are swaying like a doofus, (soothing a baby that isn't there) you may get to witness a comedic chain of events. The sway-er will immediately FREEZE and then glance furtively around to see if anyone noticed - if you're lucky they will even blush. This has happened to me on SEVERAL occasions. I love when it does happens and upon freezing I notice that someone else is doing the same thing ahead of me.

Another goofy thing I've noticed that I now do is humming. I'll be minding my own business in line at the bank, hiding one hairy leg, hair smushed on my head, dark glasses hiding my sleep deprivation, swaying like a lunatic, wondering if the little Diva is giving dad a hard time with eating and I'll notice that I'm humming happily to myself. I'm surprised I haven't been approached by security. Can anyone look more suspicious, or more like, well.... A PARENT!

Being a parent is definitely a rewarding and exceptionally entertaining calling! I find myself doing ridiculous things on a daily basis. Stay tuned and I'll share more of the craziness with you.

Night night to all - the little Diva is fast asleep and I'm hoping the thunder doesn't wake her up!

Dear sinuses: you and I are not on speaking terms!

I am pretty sure that I have already threatened to remove my sinuses with a spork in an earlier blog entry. You can rest assured this threat is unlikely to ever be carried out because, A) I'm a wuss and B) I don't actually own a spork. Using a regular spoon or even a fork just doesn't sound like it would be all that effective.

It has been a while but I'm back at my sinus removal threats. This past week has been an exercise in allergy hell. I'm not sure which punk of a plant is flowering or which woolly mammoth of a creature is shedding but it's wreaking havoc with my nasal passages. I'm sneezing, dripping, scratching and pretty much all out whine-y and gross - heck I don't even want to be around me when I'm like this!

I finally decided I'd had enough and went to see my doctor on Saturday. She inspected all of my facial orifices and once again gave the verdict: ALLERGIES. She was not impressed that I hadn't been using my nose spray on a daily basis. I explained that because I'm still breastfeeding the little Diva I'm hesitant to take anything unless the symptoms are actually serious - ie: I'm in danger of keeling over as a result of said symptoms. I'm pretty sure my doctor resisted the urge to slap me at this point. She politely and patiently explained that the nasal spray she prescribed is even safe for use DURING pregnancy and that it is VERY safe for use while breastfeeding. She assured me I could even take several (obviously not all at the same time) of the over the counter allergy tablets in conjunctions with the spray she prescribed.

The entire time she was putting my mind at ease regarding the meds I pictured her repressing the urge to grab me by my suspenders, Shake me, get right in my face and yell, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Are you some kind of GRANOLA munching, tree hugging HIPPIE?!?! MEDICINE is NOT THE DEVIL - IT WILL HEAL you not hurt you!! SPRAY THIS CRAP in your FREAKING nose and you'll stop feeling like your sinuses are out to get you!!! USE THE SPRAY. YOU know YOU have Allergies - I KNOW you have allergies and thanks to my YELLING EVERYONE ON THIS BLOCK knows you have allergies. USE THE DAMN SPRAY!!!"

I pictured myself meekly thanking her and slinking out of the room.... So yes, I have allergies and hopefully by spraying this "unscented-but-burns-like-acid" nose spray in my nose twice a day I'll avoid the sinus infection that is looming thanks to my hippie tendencies...

Anywho it's late and I need to get me and my sinuses to sleep - till next time :)

The great Diaper hunt of 2011.7 (There have been a few already)

There is a recurring pattern with my diaper buying habits. This pattern or story if you will plays itself out once every couple of months - oh heck, who am I kidding; it's more like every couple of weeks. Diapers go on sale and I say to myself, "Self - you don't want to be one of THOSE people."

By "those" people I mean the ones who go completely loopy for diaper sales. They buy 10 boxes of diapers and half way through the first box their baby has a growth spurt in the nether regions and they are left with 9 and a half boxes of diapers that cause some serious muffin-top! So yes I tell myself that I don't want to be like the loony diaper hoarding savers. I then try and rationalize buying maybe 2 boxes of the Diva's current size and 1 or two of the next size up. This part takes a few minutes and I ALWAYS talk myself out of it. "Self" I say to myself, "Diapers will go on sale again and what if spontaneous potty training happens in the next two minutes - you'll be no better than THOSE people with their useless hoarded diapers!" I notice the strangers eying me suspiciously in the diaper isle and I wonder just how much I've said out loud...

I leave the store with two boxes of the Diva's current size of puddle protection and a sense that all is well in this department.

Fast forward a few weeks and the supply of diapers is running decidedly low. I frantically scan the flyers only to discover that the smaller box of her size is on sale at a few stores. I try one store.... then another.... and another. For some reason I can only ever find the 12 hour diapers in her size when I'm frantic to find more diapers. The over night diapers give the little Diva a rash so we stick to the cruisers 24/7. It's good if she decided she needs to go for a crawl at 1am. Good for her that is - I'm never happy with plans to crawl at that hour.

Anywho - so there you have it. I'm a bit of a dunce when it comes to keeping our diaper stash in check. I've never actually run out but I have wasted way too much time looking for diapers. I even made the guy at No Frills go look in the back for more boxes. He came back empty handed and tried offering me a box of Huggies at the sale price. I repressed the urge to recoil in horror and politely declined. I wasn't careful enough hiding my reaction because he asked, "you really don't like these ones?"

I most certainly do not. I once had to cave and buy Huggies when more than a week went by without success during a diaper crisis earlier this year. It was a messy experience and I was left convinced of my Pampers persuasion. Don't get me wrong though - I'm sure Huggies are great; people just tend to be loyal to their brand. I was told that the Diva's diapers would be back in stock when the store opens so we will be heading there bright and early on Wednesday morning!

Anywho that's all I have for tonight - sweet dreams to all!!

Socializing attempt = EPIC FAIL

Our day started out PERFECTLY. At 8:30am the coffee was ready, I was eating cereal and feeding the little Diva her yogurt - we had tonnes of time to spare. All that was left was to change her clothes, slip on some shoes, squeeze and fold her into her car seat (she spins like a crazed Ninja to avoid being put in there) and get in the car. Thanks to the snuggle the Little Diva and Daddy had soon after she woke up (Not for the first time since midnight mind you but more on that later), I was dressed and ready to get going.

We were heading to an Ontario Early Years Centre for the FIRST TIME! They have an hour long program for 9 to 18 month old little ones and we thought it was about time we let the Little Diva interact with other children. This wasn't a decision we made lightly either - with her being born prematurely we have kept her away from pretty much EVERY single gathering that didn't comprise of a handful of health family members. This approach may have frustrated people but it kept the little Diva healthy and I never actually had to slap anyone. Boy was I ready to slap germ infested people if they got too close. If you approached me and the Diva a few months ago and you so much as sniffled you probably would have ended up with a bruise. The doctors and nurses and pretty much anyone you meet in the hospital put the FEAR of germs in you. You start to see them EVERYWHERE. They do this with good reason though as preemies who catch colds/flu's/etc. do for the most part end up seriously ill due to their tiny nasal passages and premature lungs. But lets not dwell on all that.... We (the hubby and I) came to a consensus that it was the right time to start introducing the Diva to these kind of environments and that is why 9:10am found the Diva and I sitting in the car.

We drove to the centre without incident and got there with 8 minutes to spare. At this point I was patting myself on the back. Being early - heck being ON TIME is somewhat of a foreign concept in this house. So the 8 minutes was truly something to celebrate. I grabbed the diaper bag, umbrella and the little Diva. It was raining pretty hard and she was somewhat amused by the whole experience. I rushed through the puddles in the parking lot and quickly entered the centre.

The girl behind the desk asks for the little Diva's name and I gave it adding, "we actually still need to register". Her response, "Oh ok - Just sign up here and the group starts at the end of September".

END of September? It's only August 9th today!

What a giant let down - I cant believe that we have to wait another couple of weeks. When I stopped by there earlier this week for more information the person I spoke to told me about this group and said that registration starts on the 9th. She didn't specify that registration didn't coincide with the group actually meeting and I didn't think I needed to clarify! Oh the joy of assumptions!!

Soooo we braved the puddles back to the car and we drove home. I would have gone to the mall for a walk but the Diva was falling asleep and I figured it best to take her home for a nap. So yes - in future I will be clarifying dates etc!

I'm exhausted - the little Diva had a nap late this afternoon and then refused to get to bed until 11pm - I'm thinking it's time for me to get to bed. She hasn't been sleeping so well lately but I'm sure it has to do with her 4 top teeth. They are not entirely out yet and she spends a large amount of time chomping.

Till next time, sweet dreams and always remember to ask for CLARIFICATION!!

Could I have a moment of silence for our dear friend Piglet please

It is with great sadness that I share the following information: Piglet has gone missing.

He was last seen cavorting with the little Diva in her stroller in Walmart. They were overheard discussing such issues as "global domination" and "the merits of brightly coloured socks". Witnesses claim the discussions got quite heated and that the Little Diva was seen throwing Piglet around and even chomping on his ears. Some of these witnesses went on to suggest that Piglet RAN away rather than being pig-napped. Those closest to the Little Diva do however maintain that their relationship was a loving one and that Piglet enjoyed the roughhousing!

I personally remember the day Granny and I went to adopt Piglet. He was one of several toys I picked up just before the Diva came home from the hospital. They all went through a clean cycle in the washer and were ready to dazzle the little Diva. She however only had eyes for one of them - the oddly 'donut shaped' pink Piglet. She would lie in her bassinet and stare at him for ages. Then the little hand would come up and the tiniest little fingers would carefully trace his nose and eyes. She'd often fall asleep with a little hand outstretched just making sure Piglet was still there. I know it's silly but I do feel a little heart broken that he's gone. He was the first toy she ever connected with and he helped make her bassinet more homely and differrent from the one in the hospital.

I regret to inform my readers that the search for the beloved Piglet has unfortunately been called off. We went back to Walmart and had someone look in their "lost and found" box. She rattled through the box unceremoniously and I had to repress the urge to insist on going behind the counter to look in the box myself. She said he wasn't there and we had to take her word. We even traced our steps from the fateful day in the hope that someone had found the poor lost piggie and propped him on a shelf somewhere. But alas, the donut shaped Piglet was gone. He is presumed kidnapped, or garbaged or worse....

I respectfully request a moment of silence in his memory. Even if the little Diva isn't really aware that the toy is gone, her mom is mourning the memories that are attached to the silly pink toy. I only hope that whoever has him now will continue to lavish him with the same love and attention that the Little Diva did.  

One annoying, slightly used cat for trade - will accept twix candy bar or nearest offer...

It is official - we have one of the MOST annoying cats on earth.

Sure he's cute, fluffy, orange and he's got the whole giant, sparkly anime eyes of innocence thing going for him - BUT he is still ANNOYING. And, when I say annoying I mean  the patience trying, "gawd I want to kick you out the back door" kind of annoying. 

Please don't let my earlier rant dissuade you from considering a trade. He does have some merits. He is fluffy, chubby and loves having his belly rubbed. Really, who doesn't love to rub a purring belly? That opportunity should be enough to have you rushing over to negotiate a trade! As a PLUS he is also super amazing at hiding q-tips so if you ever need an entire box of them strategically stashed throughout your apartment or house - then he's your cat! He's even been knows to get really creative and hide them UNDER carpets and piles of laundry.  Oh and did I mention that he has cute little freckles on his perfectly pink nose and that he has the most perfect pink toes.

This cat is also a GENIUS at sniffing out hair bands. So if you're terrible at keeping track of these little elastic circles he'll help you out. Just make sure to supervise the hunt - if you're not there to claim them as soon as he's found them he'll store them in his water bowl for you. There are few things grosser than knowing your ponytail is being held up by a little circle drenched in kitty backwash water. So get on your hands and knees and follow the fuzzy critter as he hunts out your hair bands! Exercise - that has to be a positive reason to take him, no?

Hmm what other redeeming qualities does he have... He is GREAT at bringing up dirty laundry from the basement. His specialty is socks and boy does he let you know when he is laundry hunting. He sounds like a foghorn coming up the basement stairs. If you have small children and love having them woken up 5minutes into every single nap then THIS is the cat for you! Plus, how fun is it to have your kids yell out "Cat" when they hear a REAL foghorn.  Pretty darn funny!!

He loves to play fetch so if you ever wanted a puppy that you didn't have to walk then this guy is PERFECT for you. You just have to change his litter, feed him, give him some attention, some water and put up with his idiosyncrasies. He is a tad less than graceful so you'll always know exactly when and where he's jumped up onto furniture. The overturned knickknacks and item's lying on the floor (smashed or otherwise) will provide you with a lovely game of "lets guess what the crazy cat was after. Plus the cleaning up after him gives you more EXERCISE - what a bonus!

Now that I'm sure I've convinced you just how wonderful this annoying cat is, I'll wait patiently for the swap offers to roll in. In the meantime, Sweet dreams to all :)

Disclaimer:
Don't worry, the annoying cat is safe and won't actually be kicked out of the back door or be traded for candy (Unless it's REALLY good candy).

Birthday party for the definitely "not-so-terrible" two year old!

So today was the little prince's second birthday party and we had a BLAST! The little Diva had way too much fun and so did her Daddy and I. What's not to love - Excited kiddies and two AWESOME cakes; a Fireman and a Fire Truck! My sis-in-law really did an amazing job with them. I have to say though, that when I noticed afterwards that the fireman was chocolate cake and the truck was vanilla - I wish I'd insisted we cut off his boots instead of chop up the truck!! Not that the vanilla cake wasn't amazing mind you - there's just something EXTRA awesome about a chocolate cake. The little Diva and the little prince did their usual stunt of fighting over Granny and then fighting over Grandpa. Really the issue is that they want to make sure that they're not missing out on ANY potential attention from either granny or grandpa. Really, how can they be expected to SHARE a lap?

I know this post is really short - but I'm totally wiped and I'm hoping that inspiration will strike as I sleep and that I'll have something profound and witty and all out entertaining to type tomorrow. I'm planning to run errands as early as I can so that I can spend the rest of the day trying to get some semblance of order back into our house. The hubby goes back to work on Monday and I know that after his break the little Diva will miss him terribly so she's bound to be a little crabby. AND let's face it - I'm really not my best when I'm sleep deprived either!!

Sweet dreams to all :)

More than half of car seats contain at least one toxic chemical - Parentcentral.ca

The title of this blog is the cheerful headline to an article I came across this evening. I really wish I hadn't. Turns out it's not just alien abduction and toxic baby bottles we have to fear. Apparently the VERY seats we're using to keep our babies safe in cars are ALSO FREAKING TOXIC. GAWD HELP US!! Seriously WHAT isn't toxic or dangerous or habit forming these days. I apologize for the excessive us of capitalization but this is as CLOSE to screaming as I can get at this moment. The little Diva is fast asleep and really she doesn't need to wake up to the sound of her mother hysterically ranting about the toxicity of FREAKING EVERYTHING!!! Especially considering I've already 'put her to bed' twice since we got home from our lovely visit with Dadoos and Dadda.

 Part of my issue with every new study that comes out is that I:'m already paranoid enough about the little Diva's well-being. I always thought I'd be a bit of a nervous freak-show as a parent... but then the Diva decided to arrive 3 months early and my paranoia and germaphobia and general fear of pretty much everything was thrown into overdrive. I really don't need to be terrified of her car seat as well. Thankfully the one that we do have measures low on the threat scale. We hit a 0.3 score. The higher the score the more SCARY the seat. There's one on the list that hits a 4.6! A 4.6!! How scary is that, bromine, lead, chlorine and some other unnamed substances of terror!!!!!! Yes, yes my exclamation use is out of control...

The article in question (I have a link after my rant) points you to a list of the seats studied... obviously I ended up there in order to deduce that we scored a 0.3 with our Graco. What further rankled my feathers (um yes a weird bird reference), was the fact that the website has a disclaimer that basically says the following: "Even though we can tell you that all these scary things are in your seat, we can't actually tell you what the actual exposure level/danger to your wee one is".

So really after being terrified by the title, wishing our chair scored a 0 (only one did and it is a booster seat), then realizing I still didn't know how scared I should be - I turned to my blog to get the frustration of out my system. I apologize for those of you who are now terrified and running to grab your chairs to see where they rank on the list! I hope you're not the 4.6er....

As it is - we do need to get the little Diva a convertible seat in the near future so we'll be doing our homework and trying to find a less noxious seat. I already spent a huge chunk of time making sure we only purchased BPA Free products for the little Diva before a study came out that mentioned crazy amounts of un-regulated and possibly more terrifying chemicals in the BPA free plastics. At that point I thought - AW DAMMIT and I went out and purchased glass bottles. Her toys are a mix of BPA free and "I'm not sure what's in it" plastics. She only has one bottle a day in order to get her vitamins in so here's hoping there aren't too many chemicals leaching out of everything she's putting in her mouth.

What is a parent to do... seriously? WHAT do you do with all this terrifying information? I'm off to bed and hopefully no nightmares about chemical leaching. Here is the link as promised:


More than half of car seats contain at least one toxic chemical - Parentcentral.ca

It's official; I'm falling apart!

OK, now that the title to this blog entry has grabbed your attention I better down play it ever so slightly... I'm not REALLY falling apart - I'm just a little tired and stiff - the heating pad that is attempting to melt my stiff neck muscles is working wonders! I steam sterilized the Diva's soothers and managed to burn myself with the steam - I don't think it's even going to blister so really I"m just whining at this point...bear with me - I promise to stop and get with the stories, please continue reading...

We have had quite the busy last couple of days, we had a lovely BBQ with my parentals and my brother's family on Friday night. The little Diva had an absolute blast playing soccer with her cousin the little princess. She crawled all over the lawn to get the soccer ball that her darling cousin rolled back and forth for her. Saturday of course meant swimming lesson time and we had a blast. It was the final lesson and the hubby and I both got to go in with the little Diva. She had an awesome time "Swimming" back and forth between mom and dad. We did dunk her at the end of the lesson and she was slightly unimpressed. The poor little goober doesn't seem to like her ears getting wet. They were the first things she was concerned about when she came back up. She grabbed her ears and gave daddy a violently dirty look. She's getting quite good at dishing out the cut eye when she thinks it's called for. Her "grumpy" face is hysterical. She scrunches up her nose - the more scrunched it is, the more displeased she is!!

Sunday meant a wonderful day spent picnicking in the park for Dadoos' birthday party. We had a great day - we BBQ'ed, spent some time on the beach and enjoyed the gorgeous surroundings from under a shady tree or two. The guys got quite engrossed in a Frisbee game and it was pretty entertaining to watch. One of the hubby's cousins spent the day trying to convince the little Diva that she liked him. Buut in true Diva style she stuck to her guns and wailed every time the poor guy tried to get in a snuggle. She is stubborn when she's decided she's going to react a certain way to a person. We had a lovely time and hope Dadoos enjoyed her birthday as much as we did! After cake it was time to go back home and try get some sleep before Monday's shenanigans!

When Monday rolled round we were off to the Zoo with my brother's family and my parentals. We had a great time seeing all the animals and getting to spend time with family. The little Diva had a tiny portable fan on her stroller and with some coaxing from Granny - we were able to keep her in there for a chunk of the day. She kept her feet up against the fan and seemed to enjoy her first Zoo experience.

It is now technically Wednesday and I still don't feel fully recovered! I'm thinking it's time for bed and tomorrow we visit the Dada and Dadoos. :)

Sweet dreams to all!